We all hold our own beliefs and practices about money. That’s why it can sometimes be challenging to shift from handling finances on your own to managing them with a partner. Being transparent about your money practices can make communication about money easier, build trust, and lead to greater financial success with your partner.
Dawn Gonzales, vice president of community relations at Centris Federal Credit Union, is here to share best practices on how to talk about money with your partner.
Why Talking About Money Can Be Hard for Couples
Money is a very personal topic, and it can be hard to discuss, even with those closest to you.
“Since money is a personal matter, emotions often influence how comfortable we are discussing it,” says Gonzales. “Talking about spending habits, debt, or savings can sometimes feel embarrassing or shameful, depending on the context. Many people worry about being judged for their financial situations, which leads them to avoid talking about it altogether.”
While it can be intimidating, talking about your financial habits, debt, savings, and everything in between can be an opportunity to grow closer and build a strong financial future.
Common Money Mistakes Couples Make
Financial issues in a relationship aren’t uncommon, and there are some common mistakes you can avoid when beginning to talk about finances with your partner.
First, money conversations shouldn’t be avoided; they should be embraced! Avoiding them can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings, financial stress, mistrust, and potential resentment toward one another.
“Even if you think you’re on the same page financially, still have a discussion. You may learn about a financial habit or mentality of your partner that could save you frustration down the road,” encourages Gonzales.
Another mistake is having one partner handle all financial decisions. While each partner can certainly play a certain role, it’s important that you each get a say in making decisions.
“Having one partner make all the decisions could cause a power struggle. It’s important for both partners to have autonomy over the finances, so finding a good balance in making decisions together is key,” says Gonzales.
When it comes to money, ignorance isn’t always bliss. Ignoring debt or overspending habits is another mistake couples often make. “This mistake often occurs because it’s uncomfortable to address these issues,” Gonzales explains. “But it’s crucial to fix these seemingly small problems right away to avoid bigger issues later.”
Another mistake? Not setting or updating financial goals as a couple.
“Whether you want to buy a house, go on a vacation, start preparing for kids or plan for retirement, setting goals and keeping them updated is a great way to work together on your finances and make sure you’re both on the same page,” recommends Gonzales.
How to Start a Money Conversation
Sometimes, the most difficult part of discussing finances in a relationship is starting the conversation. Gonzales has some quick tips to help set up the conversation for success.
Pick the Right Time and Setting
“Timing can make a huge difference in how the conversation goes,” explains Gonzales. “Ideally, you want to avoid starting the money talk during stressful moments, like when you both get home from a long day at work or when the kids are having a meltdown.”
One way to pick a good time to talk is to schedule it. Pick a day that has minimal obligations, and sit down in a calm, distraction-free place. This can clear both your minds and get you in the right headspace to talk about money.
Better yet, schedule these ‘financial check-ins’ once a month to make sure you’re both on the same page and working as a team.
Lead with Transparency and Empathy
Check egos at the door — this conversation has no room for competition or judgment.
“Being completely honest about your income, debt, and spending habits without fear of judgment is crucial for this conversation to go well,” says Gonzales. “If someone feels judged, they may respond defensively, making it hard to make progress.”
Remember that you will have to work together to make your money goals a reality, and it begins with being open, empathetic, and nonjudgmental.
Set Shared Financial Goals as a Couple
A great way to get both of you on the same page financially is to set financial goals as a couple. Whether you want to save for something special or reduce overall spending, setting goals and writing them down is an ideal place to start.
Identify What Matters Most to Both of You
Collaborate on your financial goals! While you may each have your own objectives, there’s likely something you can both work towards together.
“Getting buy-in from both of you on a financial goal is a great way to start working together with your finances. You can start small with a short-term goal, and then start establishing long-term goals,” mentions Gonzales.
Short-term financial goals may include saving for a vacation, paying off credit card debt, or purchasing new appliances. Long-term financial goals include buying a house, saving for retirement, and building an emergency fund.
Turn Goals into an Action Plan
Once you have your goals in place, it’s time to put together an action plan.
Gonzales advises, “Set clear priorities for your goals and assign timelines to each. Regularly review your progress with monthly check-ins. Consider writing your goals down and placing them where both of you can see, ensuring neither of you becomes complacent in working toward them.”
Once priorities and timelines are established, Gonzales recommends making a budget that fits your financial situation.
Building a Couple’s Budget That Works
Managing money in a relationship can be easier when you agree on a way to manage it. It’s important to choose a budgeting style that reflects your unique situation and works best for both of you.
Choose a Combined, Split, or Hybrid Budget
There are various options for managing finances in relationships. Although these are just three examples, there’s no telling what may work best for you and your partner.
One option is to merge and share all accounts, so both incomes go into the same account, and all expenses come out of it. It’s straightforward, but it has the potential to create problems over privacy and financial autonomy.
Another budgeting option is to keep your separate accounts and split the bills. There are some good reasons to keep your accounts separate, such as significantly different financial habits or a history of bad financial decisions.
Thirdly, you could combine these two budget styles into a hybrid style. With this style, you both have your own accounts, but open joint accounts for shared expenses or goals. This method can help you achieve financial independence while still contributing to your shared goals.
“None of these methods is better than the other,” explains Gonzales. “Each has its pros and cons, and it’s important to decide what is fair and practical for your relationship. This might be sticking to one method or combining two as you see fit.”
Use Budgeting Tools to Stay on Track
Along with your monthly financial check-ins, you can use budgeting tools and resources to stay on track and make your budget style work for you. There are various mobile apps designed for couples managing finances together. Using these or a spreadsheet can help maintain a fair and transparent budget.
How to Navigate Disagreements About Money
Disagreements about money are not uncommon, but it’s important to identify the issue and how you can tweak your budget or habits to resolve it.
Keep Emotions in Check
Finances are personal, so emotions can definitely fuel disagreements over money.
“When you are having these conversations, recognize those emotional triggers and take a pause before reacting,” recommends Gonzales. “Try to focus your energy on problem-solving, not proving a point or blaming.”
Find Common Ground and Compromise
Managing finances together means both partners will have to compromise at some point. That’s why it’s important to discuss each other’s spending or saving priorities when determining your shared financial goals.
Gonzales also mentions that “priorities may change sometimes, so revisit the monthly budget together to adjust as needed. This is a great way to compromise while still sticking to your budget.”
If you have a disagreement that you can’t seem to work through or just want another opinion, there is no shame in asking for help from an expert. Centris members can get free financial counselling from GreenPath Financial Wellness. Whether you want to talk about debt or overall budgeting, asking for help is better than continuing to struggle.
Relationships and money are not always easy to manage together, but with some teamwork, openness, and communication, you and your partner can build a strong financial future. And at Centris, we have the budgeting tools, resources, and experts to help. Just visit a branch or contact us to learn more!
